Dawn's Emergency
by kumquatwriter
Summary: Dawn is nineteen and going to UCLA. She has her own apartment, plenty of friends, and her whole life ahead of her until two little blue lines threaten to spoil it all...WIP CHAPTER 5 ADDED 06.07.07
1. Chapter 1

Title: Dawn's Emergency 

**Disclaimer: Scholastic Inc. and Ann M. Martin own all original BSC characters. Scenario is all mine.**

**Notes: This does not take into account any of the BSC spinoff series (California Diaries, Friends Forever), so I apologize if there are inconsistencies.**

**Chapter 1**

_Blue_.

I'm only nineteen. This shouldn't be happening. I've always been careful. I've always been sensible. I know the risks—this shouldn't be happening to me!

Of course, you don't even know who I am. Maybe I should back up. My name's Dawn Schafer. I live in Los Angeles and I just finished my freshman year at UCLA, and like I said, I'm nineteen years old.

And I'm pregnant.

I can't believe this.

I've been living on my own for less than a year—when I graduated from High School, I decided to get my own place immediately—I didn't want to go into the dorms—and I wanted to be able to explore all the neat little areas in LA. I've always been kind of chicken about cities, but I've gotten braver. It helps that Los Angeles has so many different neighborhoods. It's a lot like the boroughs in New York—just more laid back. Like everything in California—it's part of why I love living here. My father and stepmother bought me a car for my graduation gift—it's one of those hybrid cars, which I absolutely adore. I'm very passionate about the environment—I'm actually studying pre-law, and I intend on focusing on Environmental Law.

I don't know if that's going to be possible now.

I was still staring at the little blue line on the pregnancy test when the phone rang. "Hello?" I said.

"Dawn?" It was my stepsister and best friend, Mary Anne Spier.

"Yeah." I swallowed hard.

"I'm just going to guess," she said, "that it isn't good news. Oh Dawn…"

"Don't, Mary Anne. Don't be nice to me right now." I was holding on to my composure as best I could, but hearing Mary Anne's gentle, sympathetic voice was about to push me right over the edge.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked. I could hear her voice getting tighter—she was about to cry too. I didn't know if it was because I'd snapped at her, or if it was sympathy for me. The one thing I was sure was that she wasn't disappointed in me. I'd been very open with her that I was worried, and she'd been nothing but supportive. I guess she'd understand—she and her boyfriend had a scare once when we were just fifteen. It was a false alarm, but I don't think either of us will ever forget it.

"Dawn?" Mary Anne said.

"I'm sorry. I'm spaced out, I guess. I just keep staring at the stupid test stick. I don't know what I'm going to do." The stick in my hand was getting blurry. I fought hard against the tears.

"Do you want me to come out there?," she asked, "Dad will send me…"

"You're not going to _tell _him and _Mom_, are you?!" I interrupted, panicked.

"No, I'd never do that. That's your decision to make. What I mean is, with school out, I could get Dad to send me on a visit. I'm working in his office this summer, so it wouldn't be a matter of getting time off." She paused, as if considering. "I don't think you should be alone right now."

"I don't want anyone to know, not yet anyway." Not until I knew what I was going to do.

"I won't tell anyone. Let me call you back, and I'll see how fast I can get out. Does your apartment allow pets?"

I felt dazed. "Yeah, I think so. Why?"

"I'm bringing Tigger with me. He's fantastic when you're upset—and he's worried about you. He's sitting here in my lap right now purring." I could imagine her, sitting in the kitchen in our family's house in Connecticut. She was probably playing with her short, brown hair with one hand and petting Tigger with the other, the phone tucked up between her chin and her shoulder. How many thousands of phone calls had I seen her make just like that?

"I love you, Mary Anne. You're the best sister a girl could ever have."

"Love you too, Dawn. I'll call right back." _Click_.

I stared at the stick some more.

Mary Anne has been my stepsister for six years, and my best friend for seven. And she still amazes me. When we met, we were both just twelve—my parents had just gotten divorced, and my mom had moved me and my brother Jeff all the way to Stoneybrook, Connecticut, where she grew up. Mary Anne and I hit it off right away—and later we found out that her father (Richard) and my mother had been high school sweethearts. When we reintroduced them, they started dating again (Mary Anne's mom died when she was really little), and eventually got married. My brother Jeff and I both wound up moving back to California to live with our dad, but Mary Anne and I stayed really close. I visited her whenever I could, and a few times she came out to see me. I've stayed pretty close to most of my friends from Stoneybrook, but I couldn't make myself tell any of them _this_ kind of news. Not to mention my mother—she and I have always been very, very close (even though I couldn't stay in Connecticut), and I knew this would break her heart.

I was profoundly glad that school was out—I can't imagine trying to keep up with my classes in the middle of something like this. As it was, I had to find a way to get to work—I was scheduled for a closing shift at Starbucks in about two hours. Suddenly, I realized that there was no way I could even try and care about frappachinos and half-caf-soy-lattes on a day like this. I called my boss and told him that I was sick, and that I'd try to come in tomorrow. I think he believed me—and it wasn't really a lie. I _felt_ sick, and I'd thrown up twice already.

The phone rang almost as soon as I'd hung up.

"'Lo?" I tried to sound cheerful.

"Its me again," said Mary Anne, "Dad and Sharon are going to fly me out on Thursday."

"Oh my God, that's amazing. That must cost a fortune!" I couldn't believe it; Richard is kind of a tightwad, and it was only Tuesday.

"Not really," she said, "Dad's racked up enough frequent flier miles that he can get my ticket for free. Is it okay if I stay with you?"

"Of course! Um…but…what did you tell them?" 

I could almost hear her smiling. "Dawn, for the last week you've been trying to get up the guts to take that test. I knew you'd need me, so I started talking to them then. I've just been telling them how much I want to see you before I get too buried in work to get away." She laughed a little nervously. "Dad thinks it's very responsible, and he'd already said yes—I just wanted to find out if he'd already gotten me a ticket."

"Mary Anne!"

"I can be sneaky when I need to be, Dawn. Do you really think I'd let you go through this alone? Even if it had been a false alarm, I would have come out. I haven't forgotten that week, you know." Apparently I wasn't the only one remembering that.

"I can hardly wait to see you. You won't mind that I'll have to work some?"

"Nah. I'll find something to do. You just worry about yourself for now. Can you make it two days?"

"I'll get through. I've got a lot to think about. Have I mentioned what a wonderful sister you are?" The tears wouldn't hold back any longer, and before I knew it I was sobbing all over the phone.

"Oh Dawn," she kept saying helplessly, "It'll be okay."

"How can this be okay?" I sobbed, thanking God for cordless phones as I staggered to the bathroom for a tissue. I still had that damned stick in my hand.

"We'll find a way. It'll be okay somehow."

After I'd sobbed myself out, I did have sense enough to find out when Mary Anne's flight would get in. I got all the information and hung up, grateful beyond words.

Back to staring at my stick.


	2. Chapter 2

Dawn's Emergency 

**  
Chapter 2**

I'm still not sure how I got through the two days before Mary Anne arrived. They're just a kind of blur—I know that I didn't leave my apartment in the entire time. I called Larry (my boss) again and told him I thought I had food poisoning, and that I'd probably be out the rest of the week. I know that's a terrible thing to do, but I've _never_ called in sick before, and I've been at this Starbucks a year. And I worked at the Starbucks near our house in Anaheim for two years before that, with perfect references. No one would ever suspect me of playing hooky, so Larry didn't even ask for a doctor's note. He just told me that he hoped I'd feel better, and that he'd take me off the schedule until I called back in. Larry's awesome.

I knew I had other people I ought to talk to, and lots of decisions to make. But honestly, I don't think I could. I stayed in my pajamas the entire time. I know I ate, but I couldn't tell you what (although no need to worry—I only eat organic, and I'm a vegetarian, so whatever it was would have been healthy). I also know that I only kept down about half of it, though I don't know if it was nerves or not.

Finally, thankfully, it was Thursday. I forced myself to take a shower and get dressed—I haven't gained any weight yet (obviously—I'm only a week late) but I felt like everyone looking at me would know somehow. I put on a pair of loose jeans and an oversized button-down shirt. I pulled my long, white-blonde hair into a braid (my hair is long enough to sit on) and even put on a little makeup. I barely recognized myself in the mirror—I looked haggard and pasty, and blusher wasn't helping. I knew Mary Anne wouldn't expect much, and I frankly didn't care enough to worry about it. I got in my car and headed towards I-405.

The radio was playing, but I had to keep switching channels. Every time I heard someone sing the word "baby" I felt like someone had sucked all the air out of the car. Finally I gave up and switched to talk radio—it made it harder to focus on my driving, because all I really wanted to do was zone out. But it was better than the minefield that music had suddenly become. I'd never noticed just how _many_ songs have the B-word in them!

I really missed being able to just go straight to the gate and wait for someone to get in. I was really worried that I wouldn't find Mary Anne—LAX can be such a nightmare. I had my cell phone clutched in my sweaty hands, but it turned out I didn't need it. I spotted her pretty quickly, as it wasn't all that crowded. She was carrying a blue backpack in one hand and a blue cat-carrier in the other. When she saw me, she put both down and opened her arms to me. I fell against her, but I wasn't crying. I wasn't feeling anything at all.

"Dawn, hey, are you okay?" Mary Anne has always been one of the most sensitive people I've ever met, so I just looked at her and shrugged.

"How okay am I supposed to be?"

She hugged me again, tightly, but we were interrupted by a pitiful meow. I got on my knees and poked my fingers into the carrier. "Hey Tigger, how was your flight?"

"He was really good," Mary Anne answered. "We're lucky—he got to ride up in the cabin with me, under the seat in front of me. He was quiet through the whole thing—mostly he just slept. So did I." She laughed gently. "We both cried when there was turbulence, though. Nasty stuff when we were over the Rockies. But we're okay." She turned serious. "But what about you? Have you eaten? Can I get you something?"

"I don't even know when I last ate. I don't want anything now, I can't tell if it will stay down or not, and I'm not puking at LAX. Or in my car. I've got stuff at the apartment, and we can go to the store and stuff. I won't subject you to mung beans or anything." I tried to be bright and friendly, but it all came out kind of flat.

"Oh honey, lets just get you home." She picked up her bags. "I have to go by the baggage claim, I checked a suitcase." 

When we picked up her luggage, I couldn't help laughing. She'd brought a suitcase the size of a boxcar complete with a set of wheels on the bottom. "Did you borrow that from Claudia?"

"Yes, actually," she grinned. "Who else could supply a personal moving van?"

"U-Haul?"

"Yes, I'll haul it," she teased. "That sounds more like my sister. C'mon, lets go home." She handed me her backpack and lugged the boxcar and Tigger out to my car.

Mary Anne kept up a steady stream of chatter the entire way back to my apartment—just harmless news about Mom, Richard, and our friends back in Stoneybrook. Most of us had just finished our first year of college—except for Claudia, who was in a special art school, and Jessi and Mal, who were about to start their Senior years at SHS (Stoneybrook High School). It must have been really hard for her—Mary Anne is a pretty quiet person. But like I said, she's really sensitive, and she somehow knew I couldn't cope with talking right then.

Once we were at home, she unpacked a few things and made us some tea. She curled up on the couch next to me, Tigger immediately hopping into her lap. I knew I couldn't put it off any longer.

"I guess I should tell you what happened," I said, then started laughing hysterically.

"What?" she asked, gently.

"Well, I mean, you know at least part of it. I mean, there's pretty much only one way to get knocked up, right?"

She blushed bright red and smiled. "True, I figured out _that_ much."

I was laughing so hard that tears were running out of my eyes, even though I wasn't sure why. Finally, I calmed down. "I'm sorry, sis, I don't know what got into me," I said, still giggling.

"Its okay, Dawn," she said, "just tell me what happened."

"Well…I've been dating a few different guys. I haven't been sleeping around or anything, but…" I felt my face getting hot, but I made myself go on. "I've been really careful, though. I mean, I don't want to wind up catching some STD. And I'm not on the pill…"

Mary Anne made the tiniest disapproving noise. I looked at her. "Look, I just don't trust the synthetic hormones they put in those things. I won't even take aspirin if I can avoid it, all right?"

She nodded. Tigger shifted position in her lap, stretching out until his paws were against me. I stroked his head before I went on.

"So I always make sure the guy wears a condom, right? And there's only been a few guys. But there was one time." I groaned and buried my face in my hands. She rested her hand on my shoulder, and I went on. "His name's Brad, and we've only gone out a few times. He came over to watch a movie—I mean, we both knew what was coming. I keep a box of Trojans in my bedside drawer just in case, but…well, we didn't make it to the bed." I grinned sheepishly and nodded down at the sofa we were sitting on.

Mary Anne grimaced but she didn't get up or anything. "Go on," she said.

"I haven't told him or anything. I mean, he's a nice guy and all, but we aren't exactly going steady. But I don't know what I'm going to do, Mary Anne!" I felt the tears welling up again—when did I turn into such a crybaby?

"Well, the first thing you need to decide is if you're going to keep it."

"I don't know," I said, feeling like someone had tied something around my neck and was pulling it tight. I actually put my fingers up to my throat, but there wasn't even a collar to loosen. "I'll have to have it either way, because I don't believe in abortion."

Mary Anne looked surprised. "I thought you were pretty adamantly pro-choice," she said, carefully. It was something she and I had agreed to disagree about years ago—right around the time she'd had her pregnancy scare.

"I am," I said, just as careful as she was—the last thing I could cope with would be a fight with the only person who knew. "But this isn't about politics. It's a personal choice, and I _do_ think it's okay for other people to choose. But I just can't do that."

She ran a hand over my hair reassuringly. "I'm not getting political, sis. I decided before I got here that I'd stand by you even if you decided to…you know." She smiled.

"I still haven't decided if I want to keep the b…it," The B-word was just too hard to say. "Or give it up for adoption. I just don't know."

"Well," she said practically, "if you're going to have the baby, then we'll have to tell the parents. They will notice, you know. And I think your mom at least would want to be here for you."

"Do we have to discuss that now?" I asked, embarrassed that I was whining.

"No, of course not. I'm sorry," she said. "What about going to the doctor?"

I nodded, feeling like the biggest loser on the planet. "I've been meaning to make an appointment since Tuesday, but I just couldn't make myself I guess. You should probably know that today is the first time I've gotten out of my PJ's in three days. I've really been out of it."

"That's okay. Do you want me to make an appointment for you?" she asked.

"Oh god, thank you," The tears started to spill over again, and I rubbed the back of my hand across my eyes. She stood up and pulled the yellow pages out from under my phone, but I stopped her. "I have a regular gynecologist, I'll get her number for you." I got up and opened up my filing cabinet. It only took a moment to find my doctor's name and number. "Here you go—Dr. Cynthia Stevens. She takes my insurance."

"Oh good, I was a little worried about insurance," she said, and took my phone. "You stay put, I'll get things set up."

I hugged her. "I think I need some fresh air, actually," I said.

"Then we'll have to go back to Stoneybrook," she shot back, grinning. I made a face and went out onto the tiny balcony that's attached to my apartment. Outside it was gorgeous—Mary Anne had taken a red-eye flight, so it was still early enough that it wasn't too hot. I untied my hair and shook it out loose—somehow, feeling my hair around me always makes me feel better. I looked over my shoulder and watched her nodding seriously and writing something down. _Still a secretary_, I thought wearily, and put my head down on my arms.


	3. Chapter 3

Dawn's Emergency 

**  
Chapter 3**

I stared at the mobile over my head. It was made of cardboard whales—a humpback, an orca and a grey whale, each with a baby whale over it. There was something oddly hypnotic about it, watching them bob and float over my head. I wondered vaguely why Dr. Stevens had chosen whales, and if all the rooms had mobiles over the exam tables. I tried very hard _not_ to think about what Dr. Stevens was doing behind the drape over my knees. I don't think anyone likes going to the gynecologist, but this visit felt like some kind of torture. Not that she was hurting me—she's always very gentle, and was talking me through each step. I wasn't really listening though, just trying to remember how to do my yoga breathing.

"Dawn?" Dr. Stevens stood up, peeling off her gloves. I scooted back on the table, glad to take my feet out of the stirrups. "Do you understand?"

"Um…I guess I wasn't listening." I looked at my feet, ashamed.

"All right. Lets start again. Based on all the information you've given me, you're about four weeks along. Everything looks healthy so far, although I'd like to do a blood draw to make sure. But that means your due date is going to be February 26," she laughed gently. "Which means you could have a leap-year baby. Now, you're young, but you're in excellent health, so I'm not seeing any problems at this time. However, I know you're a vegetarian, so I want to make sure you're getting enough protein." She put some pamphlets in my hands. "I know you're having a hard time right now, so most of what you need is in here. I want you to stop at the front desk and schedule an appointment to come back in about two weeks. You should be a little clearer by then, and we'll see how you're doing." She walked across the room and rummaged briefly through a drawer, then handed me a bottle of pills. "These are prenatal vitamins. You are to start taking them immediately—take one with your next meal, and then one with breakfast every day."

She smiled and patted my knee. "Dawn, I know you think this is the worst thing in the world, but it isn't. There are a lot worse things than an unplanned pregnancy."

I didn't agree right then, but it was one of those times where it's not worth bothering to argue.

"Now, you go ahead and get dressed—I'll have the nurse practitioner come in and draw some blood before you go. And you're done for today." She smiled again, sympathetically. "Please feel free to call me if you have any questions, Dawn. And this pamphlet," she pointed at a pale pink one, "has the number of our 24-hour Help Nurse. All the girls who work there are really nice, and no matter how stupid you think your question is, I guarantee you they've heard worse."

I got dressed quickly, and sat down to focus completely on dreading the blood draw—I hate needles! I thought of my friend Stacey, back in Connecticut. She's got diabetes, and ever since she was about twelve she's had to give her_self_ injections of insulin several times a day. And she constantly has to monitor her blood sugar levels, not to mention all the doctors she's had to go see. I bit my lip as the nurse came in, and I tried again to do my yoga breathing. If Stacey could do it, I could do it. 

I was still awfully grateful when it was over.

Mary Anne was waiting for me, and drove us to the Whole Foods near my apartment. One whiff of the deli counter was enough to send me streaking back to the car—luckily I didn't throw up, but it was close. I never noticed how many _smells _there are in the world! Mary Anne finished some grocery shopping quickly and drove us home.

"Now, you can't go near Tigger's litter box," she was saying, "because there's something that's bad for pregnant women in it. Toxoplastisis, or something."

"Toxoplasmosis. Dr. Stevens said something about that. Anyway, I love you but not enough to fight for the right to scoop cat doots, believe me." I flopped onto the couch, exhausted, and started looking at my pamphlets. They all had names like "Help, I'm pregnant!" and "Know Your Options!" and most of them were pink or blue or pale yellow. For a little while, I got really engrossed in reading them—there was something kind of comforting, getting more useful information. Then Mary Anne and I went for a long walk, talking things over.

She took a while to catch me up on herself—she's dating Logan Bruno again, which I'm not overly thrilled about. Honestly, they've been dating off and on almost as long as I've known her. Every few years they'd break up—always because Logan gets too controlling. Then Mary Anne will get fed up and break up with him…but after a few months or so they always get back together. Don't get me wrong—I _like _Logan a lot. He's a really nice guy, and it's obvious that he fell head over heels, incurably in love with her from the start. I don't think he'll ever get over her if they _really _broke up. It's just that Logan's really old fashioned, and it gets the best of him sometimes. He says himself that you can take the boy out of Kentucky (he grew up in Louisville) but not the Kentucky out of the boy. Mary Anne's a little old fashioned herself, and I think that if or when they finally find a balance in their relationship, then they'll get married and live happily ever after.

She also talked about our other friends, whom I haven't seen since my last visit (only a few months ago, I spent part of Christmas break in Connecticut—brrr!). Nothing had changed all that much. Stacey was living with her father while going to NYU, and Claudia had gone to New York with her to study at an art school (they were both back in Stoneybrook for Christmas too). Apparently the two of them could share a room much more successfully than Mary Anne and I could when we were kids! Kristy and Mary Anne were commuting to Stamford from home. Mallory and Jessi were still going to SHS. They were still babysitting sometimes, as associate members of the Babysitters Club, which is _still _going strong! As of now, Karen Brewer (Kristy's little sister) is president. Vanessa Pike (Mallory's sister), Charlotte Johanssen, Becca Ramsey (Jessi's sister), Myriah Perkins and Carolyn Arnold are all members now, and a few of the other kids we used to sit for. I can't get over that—the BSC used to sit for the kids that now _run_ it. Sometimes I feel so old.

Finally we got down to talking about telling all the parents about the b…it. I decided that I needed to tell Mom and Richard first, because I'm still closer to Mom then to Dad. Besides, I didn't think I could handle a face-to-face confrontation quite yet. I decided to call Mom as soon as we got home—I try not to put off things I'm afraid of.

We got home from our walk at about three in the afternoon—which would make it about dinnertime in Connecticut. I grabbed the phone and took it outside, curling in a ball on my porch. Mary Anne squeezed down next to me, holding my hand.

"Hello?"

"Hi mom."

"Dawn! How are you, darling? How's work?" Mom sounded so bright and cheerful, I could hardly bring myself to say it.

"Mom," I said, "I have something to tell you."

"Are you all right?" Now she sounded concerned.

"I'm pregnant." The silence on the other end of the line was deafening. I waited, holding my breath. Nothing. Did she hang up on me? Was she so angry that I'd be disowned? "Mom?" I asked. No, I _squeaked_.

"I'm here," she said. I couldn't read the tone of her voice. There was another very long pause. "Do your father and Carol know?"

"Not yet. I wanted to talk to you first." I crossed my fingers and squeezed Mary Anne's hand.

Mom let out a breath. "Do you know who the father is?"

"Yes! Mom, I don't just…"

"Please, Dawn," Mom said, in a way that shut me up completely. "Do you know what you're going to do?"

"No…" I said, and then I was crying. "Mom, I'm sorry! I'm sorry and I'm scared, but I'm so sorry, I…"

"Dawn." Just that, but in one of those quiet, solid ways that cuts through everything.

"Yes, Mom?" I took a deep breath. This was it.

"Dawn, I can't say I'm happy about this. You're so young. But I'm not going to lecture you right now. What's done is done. What matters is what you decide to do with yourself now. I will be here for you, and I love you very much. Please understand that this is just a very big shock, and I need a little time to think before I talk to you about this."

"You're mad at me," I said, dully.

"No, Dawn. I'm not angry. I just need some time to think. Is it all right with you if I talk to Richard about this?"

"Yes…" I said.

"I assume Mary Anne knows already. Did she know before she came to visit?" I still couldn't read anything in Mom's voice.

"Yes…" I said, hesitantly—I didn't want to get my sister in trouble.

"All right. I will call you in an hour or two. I love you, Dawn."

"I love you too, Mom," I said. 

She hung up. 

Mary Anne looked at me, worried. "Well…?" she asked.

"I don't know. She said she needs an hour or two to think about things."

I burst into tears. Mary Anne was crying too. We held each other and rocked back and forth for a long time.


	4. Chapter 4

Dawn's Emergency 

**  
Chapter 4**

"All right, let's start with some sun salutes!" My yoga instructor smiled in her gentle way. She's a tiny little blonde thing who I swear must be triple-jointed, given some of the poses she can contort into. However, she's a really nice person, and never makes anyone in the class feel bad if they can't do the advanced stuff.

"Breathe in," she said. I took a deep breath, standing on the end of my mat. Usually I can shut out everything and focus during yoga, but today I couldn't. Mary Anne had gone up to Hollywood to explore the boulevard while I was at work, and she'd be picking me up after this class.

"Exhale, hands in prayer position." I brought my hands together in front of my heart.

"Inhale, hands above the head, gazing up at your thumbs…" I wondered how long it would be before I started to show.

"Exhale, swan dive into a forward bend, hang the head…" I wondered how big I was going to get. I've never been obsessive about my weight, but I work hard to stay fit and healthy.

"Inhale, right foot goes back into a low lunge, looking up…" I'll have to drop my yoga class. I wonder if I could take one for pregnant women?

"Retaining the breath, left foot back into a plank position…" But how will I afford to take any yoga class if I have to pay for doctor bills and stuff? I'll have to cover the co-pays and buy new clothes and things.

"Exhale, coming down to the floor into _Chaturanga_hands under your shoulders…" That one hurts. My breasts are getting enormous, and they hurt so bad I could scream.

"Inhale, up into cobra, looking up…" Mom said I'd have to talk to Dad and Carol and decide what I wanted before we could talk about ways she or Dad might help. I'm going to have to tell Dad tonight.

"Exhale, lunge the right foot forward, low lunge, looking up…" I don't know what Dad's going to say. And I'm really dreading telling Carol. She and I don't get along very well.

"Inhale, step or jump your left foot forward, come up into a forward bend…" All they're going to want to know is if I'm going to keep the baby. I just don't know.

"Exhale, roll up into a standing position, palms together above your head, gaze at your thumbs. Arch back softly…" How can I decide something like that so fast? I can't raise a child all alone, but I can't imagine putting my body through something like this and then giving it up.

"Inhale, arms down, hands in prayer position…" I don't know if I should tell Brad at all. We've only been out three times. But doesn't he have a right to an opinion?

"Exhale, release your hands to your sides." But how important is his opinion? He doesn't have to be pregnant.

"Next set, is everyone focusing on their breathing?" I saw my instructor looking at me. Sometimes I think she must be telepathic, the way she can just _tell _if you're distracted. I smiled and tried refocusing.

After the class, I showered and changed quickly. Mary Anne was waiting in the car outside of the gym when I came out. She got out of the car when I walked up.

"I am not driving one more minute in this insane city, " she said, and walked around to the passenger side.

"I warned you!" I laughed, getting in the car. Really, driving in L.A. is a skill—it took me a while to learn it too. I wasn't surprised that Mary Anne didn't feel up to more of it.

"So," I said, "are you still up to come to Dad's?" I tried to be light, but I was terrified that she would say no.

"Of course. How long a drive is it?" She reached across me to fiddle with the radio.

I frowned. "I don't know. It could be anywhere from half an hour to three hours depending on traffic."

That stopped her cold. "_Three hours?_" she gasped. "How do you L.A. people make _plans_?"

"Practice and leeway," I said, and headed towards the freeway.


	5. Chapter 5

Dawn's Emergency 

**  
Chapter 5**

"Jeez, Dawn. How stupid are you, anyway?" My brother Jeff play-swatted at me. I kicked him back, unable to stop giggling.

"Oh, shut up," I said, trying to catch my breath. Dad and Carol weren't home yet, but Jeff was, and I hadn't been in the house ten minutes before he not only hand the whole story out of me, but had me cracking up about it. Jeff's sixteen this year, and is one of the funniest people I know. He's done stand-up comedy at a few school talent things, but he can't get any good work in comedy until he's at least eighteen, probably not really until he's over twenty-one. But he's always working on it. I don't think Jeff will be a professional comedian or anything—he says he wants to study economics when he goes to college—but that doesn't stop him from cracking everyone up all the time.

Mary Anne was laughing too—I think she probably was glad to have things lighter than they'd been for the first few days of her visit. And she and Jeff get along pretty well. They're too different to get very close, and it's not like we've all ever lived together. But they really try to be a real brother and sister to each other. Which is good, because they're the two people _I'm_ closest to in the world.

We were still laughing when I heard Dad and Carol get home. Which is good, because it really took the pressure off the whole situation. I told Dad pretty simply that I didn't know what I was going to do yet. It surprised me, but he was really supportive. He said it was my decision, and he'd be there for me no matter what. Carol wasn't as cool—she and I don't get along all _that_ great, although she's generally okay. She didn't really say anything, but there were a few _looks_ she gave me that made me feel like an irresponsible slut. But I let it go. Mary Anne and I stayed for dinner—wherein my brother insisted everyone call him "Uncle Jeff." I swear, he just doesn't stop. If anyone else had said something like that, I would have cried. I mean, it'd taken me until just today to be able to say the word "baby" and here he was trying to get Mary Anne to teach me to knit so I could make booties. My brother is awesome.

We wound up staying until almost eight—later than I'd planned, but we were having a lot of fun. As I was leaving, though, he pulled me aside.

"Hey Dawn," he said softly, "I know I joke a lot and all, but if you need anything, let me know. I know this isn't easy or anything. I just wanted you to know that I really can take things seriously if you need me to."

I started to tear up a little. "I know, Jeff. That means a lot to me."

He looked nervous, seeing tears in my eyes. "Hey, now, no waterworks. You're Sunshine, not rain." Sunshine is my Dad's nickname for me. I laughed and hugged him tight, and he went off to his room to get on the computer.

When Mary Anne and I got home, we decided to watch something fun, to keep up the good mood Jeff and Dad had put us in. I turned on the TV and started checking out the listings. I started at my favorite channel—Chiller, the all-horror movie channel.

"Ooh, look Mary Anne! An episode of the Nightmare on Elm Street series! That'll be good!" I said.

She made a face. "I don't know, Dawn. I really don't like those movies. I'll watch most things with you, but not dolls that come to life or things that come out of your dreams."

"No, seriously. This isn't at all like the movies. This stuff is just silly. Freddy's hardly in it at all, you'll see. I mean, it's about dreams, but it's not _at all_ scary, I swear." I looked at the episode. "C'mon, Mary Anne, this one has Brad Pitt in it! Way back in the 80's! It'll be fun!"

"Brad Pitt?" she asked. "I didn't know he did TV."

"Everyone's got to start somewhere. Come on, we've already missed part of it!" I pulled her down onto the couch and turned the show on. It was just as silly as I'd hoped—Brad Pitt looked about fifteen, with big puffy hair and acid-washed jeans. And the women in the episode were dressed so funny! Mary Anne and I spent a while cracking jokes about the clothes everyone was wearing, and about the way all our friends used to dress. It was halfway through the episode before we realized that the actress was facing an unplanned pregnancy. And all the nightmares were stupid things about being in jail and her husband turning into some kind of male chauvinist and losing his sex drive. It was so funny that I fell off the couch laughing. Finally, the credits rolled and I let Mary Anne have the remote.

"How you doing?" she asked, flicking through the channels while I rummaged through the kitchen for some snacks.

"Really good, actually," I said, setting up a tray with some Kettle Chips, some pita bread and a couple kinds of hummus. I knew this was snack food we'd both like. "I realized something watching that show."

"If it's that owning a cuckoo clock with a little Freddy Kruger in it is a bad idea, I did too," she said, coming into the kitchen to help. She grabbed a couple of sodas—Blue Sky, which is organic but tastes almost the same as regular soda—and helped me carry the stuff out. "I found a showing of Ever After, if that's okay. What did you realize?"

"Well," I said, settling back into the couch, "I'm usually pretty in control. It takes something really big to shake me up and make me sort of nonfunctional. You know?" I took a handful of chips—I was _starving_, even though we'd had a big dinner. "Like when Claudia and I got stranded on that island…"

"God, that was scary," said Mary Anne, shuddering.

"Yeah," I agreed. "But when we were there, I totally shut down. I mean, I barely could help taking care of the kids. But when something really big hits, I can't figure out what to do. I feel all overwhelmed and can't make any decisions. It was like that when I had to decide if I was going to come back to California, too."

"Yeah," she agreed gently. "I know. But you always get on top of things if you need to."

"And I need to," I said. "I have to decide what I'm going to do, and _do_ it. So I've decided that I have to know what I'm going to do before you leave."

"Dawn! That's only two more days! That's not much time for such a big decision," she said, looking worried.

"That's just it. When I make a decision, I stick by it. I get all worked up, but when I decide it doesn't actually take me long. So two days is as long as I'm going to take." I took a deep breath. "So. Ever After again? That's not funny."

Mary Anne grinned. "It is now. I watched it with Kristy, and she decided that the prince is gay, and was making all sorts of jokes about it through the whole movie. Trust me, I can make it funny." She grinned.

I grinned too, and curled up next to my sister, waiting for the movie to start.


End file.
